if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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