I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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