I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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