i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
