he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
