She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
