hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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