You just made me feel so damn special
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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