I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
