I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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