You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
