My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
