Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
