So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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