We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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