I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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