did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
