just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
