I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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