plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
