so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
