apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
