Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
