I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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