He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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