Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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