carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found the puke drawer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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