Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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