..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
