All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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