I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
