he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
