Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
