You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
