Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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