yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
