bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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