I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
