They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
