I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
