He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
