What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
