I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have fence marks all over my body
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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