When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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