I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
