I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
