You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
