I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
