maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
