if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
