I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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