how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
